Pee sticks again!

I felt no symptoms at all this month. I know all of the books, and even my beloved Karen Hilbert, told me that every pregnancy is different, and not to compare symptoms - but who can help it? It seems strange to me that the same physical cause can precipitate different symptoms in the same body.

So, the day I figured I was due for my period, October 17, I took a pee test and hopped in the shower. I was already planning ahead which day I would ovulate during our trip to Europe in November. (I vaguely thought telling our future child, "You were conceived in Budapest!" would be kind of cool.) Ryan was in the bathroom getting ready when I got out of the shower and glanced at the pee test.

"Um... do you see a line there?"
"YES!"

So, here we are again :-)

It is really strange to be pregnant again so soon, and yet not even be as far along as I had been. Starting over is strange. I feel like I've been pregnant now in total for so long, even though I am only 4.5 weeks right now!

Ryan and I decided not to tell anyone quite yet. I had a blood test taken Wed. morning, and will go back Tue. to ensure my numbers are increasing appropriately. After that, I will feel better about sharing with our inner circle. We agreed on who to tell first, who to wait to tell, and who we would like to be able to tell in person.

My parents came to visit last weekend, and it has been really hard not telling them about the miscarriage. I wanted to wait until I was pregnant again, so that I didn't have them worrying for however long it took. Turns out I was actually pregnant while they were here, but I didn't know it yet! :-) Now I have to decide whether to wait til Christmas to tell them, which could be really fun, or if I can hold out that long. I probably can't.

I feel much better about this pregnancy. I know it is far too early to get too ahead of myself, but I had this innate sense that things weren't right last time. I have no hesitant thoughts this time at all. My pee sticks have gotten darker every day. And, what the heck, I'll make my first prediction: I feel like it will be a boy! Ha!

Prayers and fingers crossed.

Sadness, and then hope

On September 21, Ryan and I lost our first pregnancy. It was a tough few days, but we came out the other side physically healthy, and mentally ready to move on.
One of the most difficult parts of the experience was the poor treatment I received from my OBGYN office, Atrium. It made me realize how important it is to have a medical professional that you trust and feel comfortable with. We were very lucky though, that the folks who had early knowledge of the pregnancy were so supportive and wonderful during our tough time.

I set up a consult with Blue Ridge OBGYN, and truly fell in love with Karen Hilbert. She was so thorough and really seemed to be the perfect mix of compassion and business. My visit with her did so much for me in terms of my emotional recovery, I can't even explain.

I decided to take some ovulation tests to ensure my cycles has returned to normal, and was really happy to get a positive test only a few days late into what would be my first normal cycle. I felt a lot of hope that things would go well next time, and also a sense of calm about it.

The process of trying to get pregnant, I realized, is far harder than I expected. I don't think unless you've really been through it, you can understand the constant mental real estate it takes up - being hyper-aware of your body, altering your lifestyle, building up hope, trying to push away worry, being secretive with friends and family. It really is tough. Though I can't say that anything about my miscarriage was "good," I do think both Ryan and I came away with a better frame of mind.

hCG and more

My insistence on blood work paid off. My blood test on Friday had a level of 74 hCG, which is a normal range. Today I went in for a second test, to check on the proper increase of the hormone (every 2-3 days it should double). So, when I hear the results tomorrow, the number should be above 150 or so.

I also scheduled my first prenatal check-up for October 3. They told me I would have my first sonogram then as well - isn't that crazy? It seems so soon - two weeks!

Now I am thinking about nursery decor, and names, and I even bought some summer maternity clothes on clearance at Target for the warm months at the end!

It is hard not to be baby crazy.

So, I am knocked up...

Two short months of trying, and after a LONG week of not quite knowing what was going on, we had a positive home pregnancy test that we believed on Friday. I started symptoms September 1 - sore boobs, nagging pain in lower right abdomen - but spent many early mornings peeing on a stick seeing negative results before even the faintest line showed up.

Wednesday morning, I got up, peed on the stick, hastily saw a negative and went back to sleep. Ryan got up a few minutes later and got ready for work. About an hour later, I got up to get ready and noticed the FAINTEST line. I figured it was a positive that appeared after the test's allotted amount of time passed. So I called Ryan and asked if he had by chance looked at the test on the sink when he got ready. He started laughing and said he did, and had in fact picked it up for a closer look. But, being as insane as I had been, he hadn't wanted to wake me and make me crazier. They say any line is a positive line, but I couldn't believe it. Thursday morning - same faint line. Finally, after calling my Dr and insisting on a blood test, the line was evident Friday morning.



I still headed in for the blood test, and should hear the results tomorrow with a specific HCG reading. So, Friday was the first day I let myself really believe it - I am pregnant! :-) I know there are many hazardous weeks ahead, so I still need to be a little cautious about my excitement, but WOW!

I have been peeing like crazy, and feeling overall not the best. But, this isn't bad so far. I think I am 5 weeks, and will be starting week 6 on Tuesday. I have been reading my pregnancy books, and the little one is about as big as an apple seed, almost an M&M.

Jenna gave me my first baby gift today - the softest teddy bear that says "My First Teddy." We also told Dylan today who was SO excited. It is SO fun telling people and sharing this awesome news. I love their reactions. :-) I really can't wait until I am further along and we can really share the news with more people.

For now, this blog is just a record of how things go, so that (fingers crossed) if all goes well, friends and family can catch up on how Project Baby Malynn has been progressing once we get to share our news.