Sadness, and then hope

On September 21, Ryan and I lost our first pregnancy. It was a tough few days, but we came out the other side physically healthy, and mentally ready to move on.
One of the most difficult parts of the experience was the poor treatment I received from my OBGYN office, Atrium. It made me realize how important it is to have a medical professional that you trust and feel comfortable with. We were very lucky though, that the folks who had early knowledge of the pregnancy were so supportive and wonderful during our tough time.

I set up a consult with Blue Ridge OBGYN, and truly fell in love with Karen Hilbert. She was so thorough and really seemed to be the perfect mix of compassion and business. My visit with her did so much for me in terms of my emotional recovery, I can't even explain.

I decided to take some ovulation tests to ensure my cycles has returned to normal, and was really happy to get a positive test only a few days late into what would be my first normal cycle. I felt a lot of hope that things would go well next time, and also a sense of calm about it.

The process of trying to get pregnant, I realized, is far harder than I expected. I don't think unless you've really been through it, you can understand the constant mental real estate it takes up - being hyper-aware of your body, altering your lifestyle, building up hope, trying to push away worry, being secretive with friends and family. It really is tough. Though I can't say that anything about my miscarriage was "good," I do think both Ryan and I came away with a better frame of mind.