Pee sticks again!

I felt no symptoms at all this month. I know all of the books, and even my beloved Karen Hilbert, told me that every pregnancy is different, and not to compare symptoms - but who can help it? It seems strange to me that the same physical cause can precipitate different symptoms in the same body.

So, the day I figured I was due for my period, October 17, I took a pee test and hopped in the shower. I was already planning ahead which day I would ovulate during our trip to Europe in November. (I vaguely thought telling our future child, "You were conceived in Budapest!" would be kind of cool.) Ryan was in the bathroom getting ready when I got out of the shower and glanced at the pee test.

"Um... do you see a line there?"
"YES!"

So, here we are again :-)

It is really strange to be pregnant again so soon, and yet not even be as far along as I had been. Starting over is strange. I feel like I've been pregnant now in total for so long, even though I am only 4.5 weeks right now!

Ryan and I decided not to tell anyone quite yet. I had a blood test taken Wed. morning, and will go back Tue. to ensure my numbers are increasing appropriately. After that, I will feel better about sharing with our inner circle. We agreed on who to tell first, who to wait to tell, and who we would like to be able to tell in person.

My parents came to visit last weekend, and it has been really hard not telling them about the miscarriage. I wanted to wait until I was pregnant again, so that I didn't have them worrying for however long it took. Turns out I was actually pregnant while they were here, but I didn't know it yet! :-) Now I have to decide whether to wait til Christmas to tell them, which could be really fun, or if I can hold out that long. I probably can't.

I feel much better about this pregnancy. I know it is far too early to get too ahead of myself, but I had this innate sense that things weren't right last time. I have no hesitant thoughts this time at all. My pee sticks have gotten darker every day. And, what the heck, I'll make my first prediction: I feel like it will be a boy! Ha!

Prayers and fingers crossed.

Sadness, and then hope

On September 21, Ryan and I lost our first pregnancy. It was a tough few days, but we came out the other side physically healthy, and mentally ready to move on.
One of the most difficult parts of the experience was the poor treatment I received from my OBGYN office, Atrium. It made me realize how important it is to have a medical professional that you trust and feel comfortable with. We were very lucky though, that the folks who had early knowledge of the pregnancy were so supportive and wonderful during our tough time.

I set up a consult with Blue Ridge OBGYN, and truly fell in love with Karen Hilbert. She was so thorough and really seemed to be the perfect mix of compassion and business. My visit with her did so much for me in terms of my emotional recovery, I can't even explain.

I decided to take some ovulation tests to ensure my cycles has returned to normal, and was really happy to get a positive test only a few days late into what would be my first normal cycle. I felt a lot of hope that things would go well next time, and also a sense of calm about it.

The process of trying to get pregnant, I realized, is far harder than I expected. I don't think unless you've really been through it, you can understand the constant mental real estate it takes up - being hyper-aware of your body, altering your lifestyle, building up hope, trying to push away worry, being secretive with friends and family. It really is tough. Though I can't say that anything about my miscarriage was "good," I do think both Ryan and I came away with a better frame of mind.