Thankful

I was about to write a post about Thanksgiving, but I am finding it hard to write about turkey and stuffing until I share what is really making me thankful this weekend.

I tend to not allow myself to be affected by too much emotionally, but there have been two times in the past few weeks when I have found myself crying near hysterically. Yesterday something horrible happened. Innocent elementary school children were the victims of a random school shooting in CT. I don't watch the news for many reasons, but some things are so awful you just can't shut your eyes to them, even if ostrich in the sand is your survival mechanism. As the country sat in horror and awe, trying to make sense of this tragedy, all I could do was reflect on exactly how little control we have. I thought about the amazing adults - teachers, police, parents - who did the right things in that moment of crisis, and felt, as I do on occasion, that I wish I was doing something more immediately impactful with my life than making slide decks for software strategy.

Then I thought back to the last time I found myself unexpectedly crying. A friend of mine also in technology had posted a video of an 8month old baby getting a Cochlear implant and having it turned on for the first time - hearing his mother's voice for the first time. That implant was made possible because of the technology I contribute to every day. The astounded and amazed look on his face, and the joy and gratitude in his mother's voice, helped me find a little piece of my soul. It was a beautiful and funny moment, as that small face clearly expressed, "Holy shit!!! WTF???" hearing his mama say his name.

Those two moments together remind me there has to be a greater design. No, we don't have control over many, many things. Life brings moments that are ugly, and it brings moments that are beautiful miracles, and they are all equally unexplainable. My way of bringing control to the world that I so clearly don't control is to focus on my ability to react. Rather than give in to the natural reactions of fear, anger, disillusionment, I am focused on being thankful, and being present. I am so thankful for the things I have, the people in my life in all of the different and unique ways that they touch me and that I touch them, and my ability to be here, to be able to be thankful. Life is an honor, and how we live it and respect that honor is the thing that we do control.

My heart is full of empathy for those families in pain. I hope that in addition to waking up to the gratitude we should diligently try not to take for granted, we also all send more love out into the world in response.